Hi, howya doin?

Not sure why exactly, but I feel compelled to share my weekend.  Friday was one of those days for me that I get NO sleep.  Like literally.  I don't sleep from the time I wake up Thursday morning until I go to bed Friday night.  Except for sometimes I take a quick nap Friday afternoon.  So of course, which day would my new book choose to come?  Friday, you guessed it.  I can't believe I didn't start reading it right away!!  But, I have started now and I have laughed, out loud, at every single page.  I want to loan this book to every person I know, as it will make them infinitely happy.  But don't worry Amy.  You are first.  Saturday started off with a blood donation.  I like to plug blood donation whenever I can.  Plus I love doing it.  Then a hair appointment with Katie.  We always have the best chats, whether at the salon or on a bike ride.  Saturday evening we had dinner at our house with our high school friends.  We all try to get together once a month for dinner but somehow it seems like it had been several months.  It makes me kind of sad that life is so busy that its hard to get together.  But, even if its just a few times a year, they are some of my most favorite people and I look forward to our dinners immensely.
Today, we did the church thing, then we did the lazy-Sunday-afternoon-nap thing.  THEN, we did something totally uncharacteristic for us.  We cleaned out the garage.  I'm talking, moved everything out and threw away a ton of junk that the previous owners left and rearranged and organized and all!  It looks so good.  So good that I forgot to take a picture.  I guess you'll just have to come over and see!  So that was our technical weekend.  But we VanBoening's often like to extend our weekend to Mondays (as most Star City Motorsports employees probably do) and so tomorrow the plans include the Omaha Zoo, dinner at McFoster's, buying a spare tire from Craigslist, and probably me reading hilarious stories aloud from the book in the car to my poor family:)

If you need a little teaser..."Also, I just want to clarify that I don't mean "without my vagina" like I didn't have it with me at the time.  I just meant that I wasn't, you know...displaying it while I was at Starbucks.  That's probably understood, but I thought I should clarify since it's the first chapter and you don't know that much about me.  So just to clarify, I always have my vagina with me.  It's like my American Express card. (In that I don't leave home without it.  Not that I use it to buy stuff with.)"  And this was just the first page of the first chapter.

Let's Pretend This Never Happened: (A Mostly True Memoir)

A very big and important moment in my life just happened.  I preordered The Bloggess's book.  How on earth am I going to pass the time until it ships in April???  I guess by just living my life, and reading less-than-amazing books.  I am aware that some of my readers (there are about 9 of you) are also fans of The Bloggess, and so I have decided to host a "book club" of sorts as soon as the book has been out long enough to have read it, and maybe loaned it to a friend to read.  So maybe sometime in May.  Keep this in mind.  Pretty much it would just be an excuse to get together and drink a lot but that's OK, right?!?  Maybe have some snacks, share our favorite part of the book, drink some more...oh my goodness I can't wait.
For now, just in case you haven't discovered the magic that is Jenny Lawson, I am going to provide you with a few of my personal favorite posts, to get you hooked so that you want to come to this special "book club" meeting, too:)
These puppies weren't my fault
How to make your husband think you're a witch
Its like a hoodie but with fangs
Phone koozies
And then I saw a Sasquatch on the road
That's why I'm not allowed to be here unsupervised
It kind of feels like a hollow victory
And that's why you should learn to pick your battles

OK, that was way more than I intended to provide and I didn't even go back that far.  I was just having lots of fun rereading the posts.  Enjoy!!

Another must-read blog for the end of 2011

I hope that the picture that accompanies this week's must-read blog post makes you hungry.  And thirsty.  Brad and I went Christmas shopping last week (minus Willa, thank god.  She is going through a phase of being a HORRIBLE shopping buddy) but we got distracted midway through by a new sushi place in downtown Lincoln.  Brad ordered a volcano something-or-other, and mine was a southwestern what-not that was COVERED in cilantro.  Wow, yum.  With a side of edamame and a tasty cabernet/Japanese beer. Perfect shopping meal.  And conveniently, Dozo is located right smack across the street from the offices of Purely Maid.  And they have happy hour.  Twice a day on weekends.  Tosha, how have we not been there together yet???  Sushi with my cleaning buddy is going on the 2012 goal list.  So is reforming my child's poor shopping behaviors.  I'm not even kidding, she sprinted out of a store holding multiple pairs of low-rise men's boxer briefs.  Laughing the whole time.  Not ok.  I should have let the store press charges, just to teach her an early lesson.

Onto the blog...http://www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.blogspot.com/ is hilarious.  Aaaand, has a web address that is even longer and more complicated than mine.  I was turned onto this blog at the time she was writing about her experiences with the Elf on the Shelf fiasco.  Then I spent an absurd amount of time reading her older posts. Love it!  Add it to the blog roll.

A Highly Inappropriate Must Read Blog

You just never know what your little tyke will find while shopping for fake, white Christmas trees at WalMart.  And yes, Willa does know how to find my phone, unlock the screen, open Angry Birds, and then shoot all the birds backwards so that the pigs will laugh.  Then sometimes she accidentally calls people.  Sorry about that, friends whose last names start with A and my Accountant.

I've got a new blog to follow, courtesy of my night shift coworker, Kelli.  I'm warning you right now, the language is foul and pretty much every single thing about it is completely sick and wrong.  I have a very juvenile sense of humor.  Please don't be angry at me if you are offended.  But please do let me know if you read it and laugh.  And don't worry, its all text (there are no inappropriate photos or anything.) 

Margaritas with my senoritas

Mom, Willa and I had the best time the other night at El Toro.  Willa is such a ham!  She *may* have had a small, teeny, tiny taste of mom's strawberry margarita while chewing on her straw and I think it was just enough to make her loco.  We laughed till there were tears in our eyes!  Then on the drive home, she found a cookie that she had put in her cup holder a few days before and she said "OMG.  Where'd this cookie come from?"  Where does she get this stuff???  And speaking of Willa saying stuff, today on the way home from Grandma and Grandpa's, she asked me "Where do babies come from?"  I wasn't sure I heard that correctly so I asked her to repeat herself.  "Where do babies come from?  And tiny, tiny puppies?"  She's 2, people!  2!  I thought that was a question more for like, 5 year olds!  Or kids whose mom's are pregnant.  Not 2 year olds!  She wasn't quite satisfied with my lame-o answer about how they grow in mom's tummy because its just a good place to grow.  When I asked her why she was asking about babies, she said something about Beethoven.  I might have to watch that movie...

Willa, M.D.

I can't look at this picture and not laugh.  Brad set up this little "office" scene for Willa the other night and she took it very seriously.  Yes, her office consists of an old keyboard, a Nintendo DS, a pumpkin and a sippy cup.  She told us that she is a doctor and she has very important work.  She typed furiously for several minutes while we were making supper.  When we asked her to join us for supper she got very frustrated with us and again reminded us that her work was very important.  We were able to convince her to eat a few bites at her desk and warned her of the dangers of becoming a workaholic.  After a few bites she moved the plate to a side table and went right back to typing.  Where does she come up with this stuff???

Fooled by a 2 year old

My favorite!

I think Willa told her first lie while we were on vacation.  I mean, sure.  She has said things before that aren't true, like that the scratches on her arm are from a tiny bear or dad only let her eat 1 marshmallow before breakfast but this one was a well thought out lie.  We were having mini-bagels and cream cheese for breakfast at our little cabin and Willa was just licking the cream cheese off the bagel and not taking any bites.  I tried to tell her that she should eat it and that she needed lots of energy for hiking and she seemed ok with that idea.  About 10 minutes later when we were all ready to head out the door, the bagel was completely gone!  I was pretty surprised that she ate it that fast, but I didn't see it anywhere and neither did Brad.  I asked her if she ate it and she said "All gone.  In tummy."  Silly me, I believed her.  Probably even praised her for being such a good eater.  We stepped outside the cabin and there on our little porch, was a bagel with the cream cheese all licked off.  No bites taken out of it.  Willa faked a look of shock and then looked from her stomach, to the bagel, to me with a look on her face that first said "I have no idea how that got there" but quickly changed to "I am so busted."  I asked her how her bagel got on the porch and she looked down and said.  "Threw it."  What on earth.  I couldn't not laugh but I also realized that its hard to explain to a 2 year old why you shouldn't tell lies.  She also told us on this trip that she poops Pound Puppies.  It is possible in our family that we talk a little too freely and openly about poop.

For the love of all that is funny...

Ok, so The Bloggess is laugh-out-loud funny.  It made my day.  Oh all right.  It made my year.  BUT I have been introduced to a whole new brand of funny and it goes by the name of Hyperbole and A Half.  I think the writer of this blog and I may be non-identical twins in some sort of alternate universe.  I just finished reading the post about how simple dog behaves when they are moving and his high pitched noises.  Totally Luther, back in the day.  And helper dog has a self esteem problem?  Hello, Bailey?!?  And the writer does not want to be a grown up or do grown up things?  Its like this girl is watching my life and talking about it in a way funnier way than I ever could.  I suggest you take a gander at it.  And make sure you don't skim over the pictures.  And to give props to the lovely lady who made me aware of simple dog and his adventures...Fit Mama Training.