Did getting a tattoo KILL Allison?

Yep, this is it.  The obligatory, apologetic, guilty post about how I haven't posted in sooooo long.  Brace yourself.  It might get whiny.  It might sound like a pity party.  I swear after this post, I will be back to my usual self who is at least 50% more chipper.  I will try to throw in a few pictures of Willa to keep you all reading, cuz I'm tricky like that.

I credit the end of my mid-life-crisis to this tiny friend

Life didn't stop after Willa started school and I got a tattoo, believe it or not!  And it didn't even get particularly more busy but somehow, I let my normal life schedule get the better of me.  Not really for any specific reason, I just took less time to take care of myself I guess.  Not eating quite as well, not working out enough, interspersed with some wacky night shifts at the hospital that I don't normally work and I just kinda lost it.  I had a few grumpy weekends, which extended into grumpy weeks and I nearly freaked out and quit my job at the hospital.  A few times.  Here is the lowdown on my job at Bryan LGH.  I have been a mental health technician on the youth mental health units for over 10 years now.  I LOVE the nature of my job.  There was a long stretch of years there where I would have just plain said "I LOVE my job!" but it has gotten to the point where some of the politics of the organization have made the actual job not as enjoyable.  I don't know enough about the behind-the-scenes of the issues to go into specifics but things have changed there.  I still love the kids.  And my co-workers. About 4 years ago, when my cleaning business started to grow into an actual thing, I changed my schedule slowly from being a full time day shift worker at the hospital, to working part-time, and doing most of my hours at night.  This allows me to have more days free for cleaning, and has allowed for using up a little bit less of my parent's weekday hours watching Willa.  Also, there is a shift differential that makes working nights a little bit more appealing.  I don't dislike working nights, but there is almost no interaction with the patients, which was my favorite part of the job.  And, it leaves me pretty tired sometimes.  Especially on the days when my schedule doesn't allow for me to head straight home and fall into bed.  And even on the days that I do, I think any night shift worker will agree that there is just something not quite as restful about sleeping during the daytime hours.  I must give major props to my family, as they are always super considerate of me when I am sleeping during the day.  Lots of times, Brad will take Willa out and about, just to make it extra quite for me.  Not that she is loud.  No, never:)

Anyhooters, I got a little bit extra tired and overwhelmed and a little bit frustrated with my job, so I almost quit.  Quite honestly, we would probably be ok income-wise without my tiny hospital paychecks, now that I am only part time.  The big kicker is, we get all of our insurance through the hospital, and it is stellar insurance.  Like, we don't ever pay for anything.  Like, when I had Willa I paid about what I would pay for a few new pairs of jeans. (Well, maybe a little bit more than that, but you get the picture.)  There are no insurance options for Brad at Star City.  And I checked into private insurance a little bit, and I just don't think our budget can handle it right now, at lease not if I want a maternity option.  So I had a mini-melt down.  A mini-mid-life-crisis.  I didn't do anything too crazy, like the folks in the movies do.  I didn't run off anywhere tropical with my personal trainer (I don't have one.  If I did, he would have been fired so I could afford insurance:)  I didn't buy a sports car or get a boob job.  (Would rather have a Prius and haven't worked up the nerve yet:)  Instead, I was crabby, whined a lot to Brad and anyone who would listen, and then tried to go to bed earlier.  And guess what?  Things are better now!  Don't get me wrong, I would still love to quit working at the hospital, but for now I think I can stick it out at least till I've had another baby on their rockin' insurance and maybe I've paid off a few more bills.  Build up my 401k.  Have I said before how much I despise some of this grown-up stuff we have to deal with?!?

And if I'm being completely honest, most of the rest of the credit goes to coffee.

Fresh ink

About a billion years ago (or maybe 2 or 3) Brad gave me a nice, big gift certificate to Iron Brush to get a new tattoo.  At the time I think I just really wanted one, but didn't really know what.  Then I thought I knew what I wanted, but never had time to make an appointment.  Then, it turns out, I wanted something completely different so I guess I'm glad I waited a billion years.  Because I am completely in love with the tattoo I got on Tuesday.

Please bare in mind that this picture was taken about an hour after it was complete, so it was very red and gooey and kinda gross.  That was 2 hours of feeling like someone was sawing on my ribs with a dull steak knife, but totally worth it.  Maybe its like this for all folks who like tattoos, but I find the feeling almost soothing, in a really weird way.  Its like, I know that it hurts, but you can almost make your mind go to another place and actually enjoy it.  Like how some people enjoy massages, or spa treatments.  I like to sit under the needle, I guess.  Weird?  I'm not sure.  Brad kind of agreed with me.  I've got to admit though, that it doesn't feel quite so therapeutic in the days following.  I feel like I got hit by a pack of semi trucks and then burned with blow torches.  And I have heard that this feeling can last for weeks.  Something about the rib area, I think because my last tattoo did not hurt for weeks.

Despite the uncomfortable last few days, I like my happy little reminder.  Love one another.  I just don't think it will ever go out of style:)  Ooooooh, and the awesome lettering?  The great Dave Nelson of Secret Penguin fame.  If you've ever seen any of his work, you probably recognized it.  And a quick plug for something AWESOME that they are doing...The Unofficial SecretPenguin Foundation. Giving a bit of money to those in need.  I think we all know that there are times when it gets rough, and having someone help you out with the essentials can take a huge weight off your shoulders so you can focus on family, and getting back on your feet.  What a cool idea.  Love one another. If you would like to give a donation, there is a paypal link on the SecretPenguin facebook page.  Now, pardon me while I go baby my aching ribs.  If you see me and I act even more like I don't want you to touch me than I usually do, don't take offense.  I nearly drop-kicked Willa when she sat on my side the other morning.

Pinewood Bowl

Monday night, my mom treated Brad, Chris and I to a concert at Pinewood Bowl.  I had never been to a show there.  Haven't been to any shows lately at all.  Mumford and Sons was a good one.  They have a really powerful sound, live.  Thanks a million, mom!

This is what we did to honor Luther on the anniversary of his passing.  Brad and I put Willa to bed and then stuffed our pockets with fat sharpies and flashlights and rode our bikes to the bridge where he was hit and wrote him a little note.  A love note.  'Cuz we loved him.

Preschool?!?

On Thursday, my one and only tiny baby Willa went to preschool.  Except that she isn't a tiny baby.  And who would have ever guessed that I would be the kind of mom to CRY?  I made it almost out of the building before I did it, but I don't think I get any points for that.  And just so I don't feel like a complete sap, Brad doesn't get the "not crying points" either.  So there.

Here's the run down on the education of Miss Willa.  She goes two days a week to Dimensions at First Plymouth Church.  They are a very sciency/natury based program and they do lots of things outside and in a greenhouse with gardens and composting and plants and stuff.  Very cool.  We are going to have a very hippie child, even if I can't keep a plant alive for anything.  We are so very excited to see everything that Willa learns there.  Her teacher's name, thank goodness, is Mrs. Katt.  Pretty sure the only other way she would have remembered it was if it were Mrs. Dog.  When Tosha and I picked her up from school on Thursday, we had about a bajillion questions for her about what she learned and about the other kids and she didn't really want to answer any of our questions.  I thought that was something that happened in the teenage years, but ALREADY she is annoyed with my interest in all that she does.  The teacher did tell us (and wrote on her little daily progress sheet) that she REALLY enjoyed painting.  Her sheet, in fact, said that "she painted and painted and painted."  I am going to take that as a nice way to tell me that my child is obsessed with painting and it might be a problem:)  Next week, we are going to work on learning the other kids' names, and making sure that she is helping to pick up after all the painting.

While I am so excited to watch Willa learn, I still have this little nagging sad feeling in my heart.  I realize she is still very young, and we have many more years of school and childhood left but for some reason I feel like this is the beginning of the end.  All of a sudden, there are other people, teachers, peers, other parents, involved in the shaping of my child's personality and future.  Its like preschool is the very beginning of a world of making friends, peer pressure, trying to fit in, getting along, finding your "place".  And while I am inclined to want to shield my little lady from all of these things that could potentially hurt her little feelings, I also kind of want to see how she handles them.  I want to see proof that what we are doing at home, and what our values are, are going to hold up out in the real world and that my daughter will be an asset and a ray of sunshine to those around her.  Wow.  Heavy. Time will tell, I guess.  I need to get back to blogging about something less serious.

Oh yeah.  We did eventually get Willa to show us how to walk like a dinosaur, like her note said they did.  Sooo there must have been a few minutes where she wasn't thinking about painting.  She also talked me into taking her out for ice cream after school and getting a balloon animal from the clown at the Fallbrooke farmer's market.

And then this happened for most of the rest of the evening.  Not gonna lie, I was in a very similar position on the other end of the couch (when I wasn't taking pictures for her graduation slide show:)

Thinking about Luther

Today will mark the one year anniversary of losing our favorite long friend.  Certainly, our hearts are healing but gosh darn it.  I still cry when I read these posts.  Or look at pictures of him.  Or when Willa talks about him, which is often.  Why did he have to be so darn sweet?  And weird and naughty and cute? Something will be done in honor of Luther today.  Not sure what yet, but trust that it will be both sad and happy.  And NO, it won't be to get a yellow lab puppy and name it Luther 2.  Got that, Brad and Willa?!?

If you want to think back fondly on Luther:
Farewell, friend
Puppy Love
Mabel and Lu-Dog

Exploring a new bike trail

Now that it isn't 1,007 degrees out every afternoon, its the perfect weather to go for bike rides!  So that is what we did all afternoon.  My mom grabbed us some bike trail maps the other day when she was in a bike shop and Brad spent some time studying them.  Low and behold, he found a trail that is in our neck of the woods!  The Oak Creek Trail starts in Valparaiso and ends in Brainard.  If you go from start to finish, its around 13 miles.  We didn't make it quite that far on this trip, but we made it far enough to know that this trail is gorgeous, and that we want to go back every Sunday until it snows.  Maybe we'll even get snow tires for our bikes and go then.  Its a limestone trail, like the MoPac, and it is very shady and tree-covered most of the way.  There are fun little horse trails that branch off the main trail, as long as your idea of fun is to dodge big piles of steaming horse poo.  I'm thinking that this trail could be very beneficial to my marathon training.  Its even a perfect distance.  Half marathon out, half marathon back...I don't think this is a coincidence.
And here is my super-proud mama moment from today.  For about 4 miles of our ride, Brad ditched his bike and rode mine so that I could get in a run.  Willa stayed in her cozy little bike trailer.  When we got back to Brad's bike, I asked Willa if she wanted to get out and stretch her legs for a bit before we finished our bike riding.  She got out...and ran!  And ran and ran and ran.  Just like mama.  I didn't time how long she kept on running, but I bet it had to have been half a mile before she agreed to get back in the trailer.  I just loved seeing her run like that, after seeing me do it.  I read a lot of fitness blogs, written by women/moms whose main focus is living a healthy lifestyle and role modeling that lifestyle for their daughters.  It made me so happy to see that working in our family.  I want so much for Willa to be a healthy, strong little lady who is proud of her body and all that it can do.  We might be on the right track:)